The Perfect Height
by Moczo
Summary: Chibis America and Canada finally get to ask each other about the horrible things their respective parents have said about the other. Then America wins the French and Indian War.


America and Canada sat next to each other, identical expressions of awe on their faces. This was, after all, the first time either of them had gotten to see England and France actually interact.

Oh, they had heard plenty before.

"Is France really perverted?" America asked without malice.

"No, he's just affectionate," Canada replied sweetly. "But is England's blood really made of ice? There is a lot of ice where I live but none inside people…"

America thought about it. "He's really warm to hug, so I don't think so," he said at length. "Does France do anything with frogs?"

Canada looked baffled. "Frogs? The hoppy things?"

"Yeah. England calls him 'frog' a lot."

Canada bit down on his lower lip. "No," he admitted, "not that I can think of. That's really weird. What about England and roast beef?"

America's eyes glazed over and a little bit of drool dripped from the corner of his mouth. Canada for the first time wished they weren't related. It wouldn't be the last.

"So, what's your name?" America asked after he'd cleaned the drool off his face.

The other boy scowled. "CAN – A – DA. You're my brother! You should know my name!"

"No no no, your people name," he corrected, giggling.

"Oh. Mathieu. What's yours?"

"Alfred!"

It was Canada's turn to giggle. America's face fell. "Hey…"

"I'm sorry but Alfred is a silly-sounding name," Canada chirped.

America frowned. "You're right, but I didn't pick it. So… I should pick my own name!"

Caught up in his enthusiasm, Canada applauded him. "Yay!"

"My new name is… Awesomesauce H. Kirkland!"

Canada's cheer faded and was replaced by confusion. "What's the H for?"

"Hero, duh."

"And… Kirkland?"

Awesomesauce's blush spread all over his face tellingly. "Never you mind! So what's your new name?"

Canada looked at him. Awesomesauce looked back. The twins stared awkwardly before Canada finally admitted, "I like Mathieu."

"Fiiiiine, be lame."

"And look at what you've done to poor Amerique!" France accused, dramatically pointing at the child and interrupting the conversation going on between the two boys. "He used to be so cute! Compare him to my Canada and see how lacking he is!"

Awesomesauce gaped, looking at Canada in betrayal.

England slapped France. "They're twins you stupid git! Besides, at least America has a personality! And no ridiculous bear!"

Canada wibbled. Awesomesauce gave him a hug, secretly thinking he was way cuter. The bear was uninterested.

"And now you're making children cry! Shame on you!" France exclaimed, covering his heart as though he had been stabbed there.

England looked embarrassed. "Well, when I own him I'll teach him how to assert himself and then he won't cry! America never cries!"

Awesomesauce nodded sagely. Canada fought to stop wibbling, although embarrassment was making it worse.

"You would crush a child's sensitive-" Suddenly France erupted into a long stream of enraged French, leaving England and Awesomesauce perplexed and Canada awed. "What. Do. You. Mean. When. You. Own. Him?"

England raised an eyebrow, as he couldn't believe France hadn't seen this coming. "You do realise we're going to war over these two, yes?"

"You will be keeping your filthy pirate hands, dry hair and burnt scones away from my Canada!" the other seethed.

The next instant he keeled over because there was a little foot imbedded in his gentlemanly bits. This little foot was attached to a deceptively strong leg that belonged to young Awesomesauce, who was at the perfect height to really deliver a painful kick to that particular area.

"Those scones are delicious," Awesomesauce hissed.

England was glowing in smugness and he patted the boy on the head like a puppy. As a very-worried Canada ran to look over the pained France, England threw the boy over his shoulder and took Awesomesauce's hand. "I'll send you a treaty," he crooned, walking away with his vicarious victory.

"Put me down! Maple!"

"Good job, America. I'm very proud of you."

"Yay! So I can change my name to Awesomesauce H. Kirkland, right?"

"No."

America pouted.


End file.
